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Darielle Brooklyn

Darielle Brooklyn

Category Archives: How to

Five Annoying Words

27 Thursday Oct 2016

Posted by Darielle Brooklyn in Family, Friendship, Grief, How to, Inspiration, Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Family, How to, Inspiration, life lessons, relationships

How many times have you heard these words:

Everything happens for a reason.

I believe in fate but seriously? That sentence can destroy us. It is also completely untrue. Some things, absolutely. But everything? Absolutely not!

If you have ever faced a tragedy and someone tells you that your tragedy was meant to happen or that it happened for a reason, even that it will make you a better person, you have every right to be upset and even go so far as to remove that person from your life.

Grief is brutally painful. There are so many facets to grief. Grief does not only occur when someone dies. It can occur when relationships fall apart, when opportunities are shattered, or when dreams die. It can even occur when you are struck with a serious illness.

Remember these words instead:

Some things in life cannot be fixed. Some things in life can only be carried. 

These words are poignant and they aim right at the pathetic platitudes our culture has come to embody on an increasingly hopeless level. Losing a loved one cannot be fixed. Being diagnosed with a debilitating illness cannot be fixed. Facing the betrayal of your closest confidante cannot be fixed. These things certainly did not happen for a reason.  They damn well cannot be fixed! These things can only be carried.

Sometimes devastation can lead to growth, but the truth is, it often doesn’t. The reality is that devastation more often destroys lives. And the true calamity is that this happens because we choose to replace grieving with advice.

After living through traumatic devastation, I choose to and now live an extraordinary life. I’ve been greatly blessed by those in my life, the opportunities I’ve had and the life I’ve built for myself and for my family. Loss has not made me a better person. Sadly, in some ways, it has hardened me.

I have always been a very loving and caring person. My losses have made me even more aware and empathetic of the pain of others. On the other hand, I also have a more cynical view of some and have developed impatience with those who are unfamiliar with what loss does to people. It’s true that you don’t get it until you live it but there are some that don’t even try to understand it. It can be quite frustrating.

I’ve had people tell me to “get over it,” or  that those who passed away “would want you to be happy.”

I am happy.  I have sad moments.  People don’t “get it.”

If anyone tells you that all is not lost, that your situation happened for a reason, or even that you’ll become better as a result of your pain, you may want to choose to let them go.

I’m not saying you should. That is entirely to decide. It isn’t an easy decision to make and should be made carefully. The fact is that you can.

The ones who helped were those who were there when I needed them. And said nothing.   They were just there. But in those moments, they did everything.

I am alive and I survived because of my deep love for my family. I survived and because of those who chose to love me and help me.  When you are loved in silence, when people suffer with you, when they watch you in your darkest moments and see you emotionally destroyed and they love you through it, you survive.

When a person is devastated by grief, the last thing they need is advice. Their world has been shattered. At this time, we can acknowledge their pain and let them know that we are there with them. It is important to be with your loved one, suffer with them, listen to them, but please do not give them advice.

Acknowledging someone is powerful. It requires no education, training or skills.  All you need to do is to simply be present as long as is necessary, comforting the wounded soul of your loved one.

Be there. Do not leave when you feel uncomfortable or when you feel like you’re not doing anything to help. Because it is then – in the shadows of horror –  where healing is truly found. When others are willing to enter that sacred space with us, it is very powerful and very healing.

Be one of these people.  Unfortunately, one day you will find yourself in need of one of these people. Find them. They will help you heal and not try to fix you with advice.  They will help you carry your pain. These people are keepers.

Fate. Be that person and when you need them, they will be that person for you. That can happen for a reason.

 

How to Revamp & Declutter Your Wardrobe

07 Thursday Apr 2016

Posted by Darielle Brooklyn in Fashion, How to, How to Declutter, Organizing, Uncategorized

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Tags

closet, declutter, Fashion, organization, organize, revamp, style, wardrobe

Whether you are a complete fashion newbie or a seasoned closet curator, if your wardrobe needs a makeover, you’ve definitely come to the right place! How many times have you looked in your closet and seriously despised everything you see? Yet your closet is probably filled and you still think you have nothing to wear. Getting dressed should be fun, stress-free and easy! I am going to list some essential tips that will help you revamp your closet to build a wardrobe that truly works for you. The morning blues in your closet are going to be a thing of the past.

DECLUTTER

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One of the most important steps in your closet revamp is to do a major edit of your wardrobe. Much of your wardrobe stress stems from a problem that is quite simple to address: too much variation and not enough unity. Your closet should be full of clothes that are easy to work with and make you feel amazing. You may need to cut down your wardrobe to a manageable size and get rid of items that make you feel anything less than spectacular.

As you go through each item in your wardrobe, try them on and ask yourself these key questions:

  • Have I worn it in the last year?
  • Does it make me feel good? This is huge. Whether it’s the cut, color or style, if blah is the first thing that comes to mind when you put it on, it’s definitely time to get rid of it. Life is too short to feel anything short of amazing!
  • Does it fit?
  • Is it in good condition? Can it easily be fixed? Am I actually going to take it to get fixed?
  • Does it go with at least three other things in my wardrobe?
  • Is it annoying to wear? If wearing that skirt or top isn’t easy, you’re going to be much less likely to wear it.

Quite honestly, if you answer no to any of the above, it’s time to say goodbye. Donate anything that doesn’t stand up to your new closet’s standards or try selling it online on an auction site or in a consignment shop. You can use the cash you receive to buy new pieces!

GET ORGANIZED

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Once you’ve gone through and removed the less desirable pieces from your closet, it’s time to organize what remains. Arrange your closet by color and by item type. This system will not only help you put together an outfit much faster, but it will also allow you to identify gaps in your wardrobe. A good rule is to hang up as much as you can. You are much more likely to grab something that you can see at eye level rather than having to search through dresser drawers.

Take a good look at what you have. You don’t want to end up spending money on things you already own, especially if they’re in good shape. Also, if you find that you have an overwhelming number of one type of item (no one really needs 10 identical white t-shirts), purge! Organizing will allow you to not only see what key pieces you have but it will also allow you to identify what’s missing.

IDENTIFY YOUR LIFESTYLE

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A full closet means absolutely nothing if you can’t make the pieces work for you. A major wardrobe malfunction is when your clothes don’t match your lifestyle. Simply put, you need pieces that not only work well together, but also fit in with your day-to-day activities. Some key questions to ask yourself are:

  • How do you spend your time during the week?
  • Which activities occupy the majority of your time?
  • How do my clothes fit in with each activity?

Taking the answers to these questions into consideration will help point out which areas of your closet need some tweaking.

IDENTIFY YOUR ESSENTIALS

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By the time you reach this step, you should not only know your closet inside out by seeing what you have and knowing what’s missing, but should also be able to identify what you absolutely love wearing and what pieces look fabulous on you. I’m sure those things make up the majority of the clothes left over from the detox phase of your closet revamp. These are the pieces that you can’t live without, your personal essentials. These essentials are basically the only things you really need to feel great. Maybe they’re t-shirts, boyfriend jeans and sneakers or maybe they are Bohemian dresses and wedges. Whatever they are, they’ll become the cornerstones of your new wardrobe. So take a good look overall and at this point figure out what pieces might need updating and what you need more of.

ENVISION YOUR IDEAL WARDROBE

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Now you need to put together a purchasing plan of action. If you want to make sure you actually wear what you buy, you need to envision what your ideal wardrobe looks like and use this vision as a point of reference whenever you go shopping.

Your ideal wardrobe should be based around a look that is distinctly you and represents your sense of style. Once you know what that is, pinpoint the important elements of that look, and see how they line up with what you already own. Moving forward, every time you shop use this vision and strategy to allow you to build onto your style, ultimately streamlining your closet and making it super functional.

A functional wardrobe should be a mix of basics, mid-range and super statement pieces. You will find that a lot of different pieces will fit into your ultimate vision.

CHOOSE PIECES THAT ARE VERSATILE AND OFFER SUPER IMPACTstreet-style-suede-styles-3.jpg3.-leather-jacket-with-denim-pants.jpg

Use the information you obtained when you evaluated your lifestyle and ideal wardrobe in order to determine which pieces would have the biggest and boldest impact on your look. For now, unless you are seriously lacking on them, skip purchasing the basics. Focus on choosing versatile and interesting statement pieces that you can wear a lot of different ways. Start by working on the area of your wardrobe that you’re the least happy with. Do you realize that with just a few simple tweaks you’ll see the impact immediately? As you’re out shopping, envision at least three outfits you can make with each item you want to purchase before you actually buy it. If you can’t, it probably isn’t a good fit.

QUALITY VERSUS QUANTITY

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Now it’s time to think about your purchases. Can you go out and buy 10 tops for $50? Of course you can but seriously, how long are they going to last? I always say you get what you pay for. It makes sense to spend a little more on high-quality pieces that will stand the test of time. You’ll end up saving yourself money in the long run as well as alleviating the morning fashion stress if you take this approach.

Tip: If you’re the type or person that tends to go a little overboard when you see a sale, skip them unless you have a specific piece that you need to buy. Another helpful trick is to ask yourself whether you would buy the particular item at full price if it wasn’t on sale. If you can’t imagine yourself buying it at full price, do both yourself and your closet a favor and put it back on the rack. Impulse buys can add up quickly. Trust me – it is better to spend that money on quality items that fit in with your ideal envisioned wardrobe.

ACCESSORIES ARE KEY

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The right accessories can bring a simple outfit to life and are key to switching up your look. Statement pieces are fabulous, but just like the rest of your closet, be sure to look for pieces that not only offer the most bang for your buck but also those that will work with most things in your closet. Definitely invest in a few pairs of great shoes and bags. You certainly can go the less expensive route for those trendy pieces that may not have staying power.

FIND A SIGNATURE STATEMENT PIECE

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Whether it’s an antique piece of jewelry or an amazing arsenal of super sunglasses, adding a signature piece into your wardrobe will give it major personality. Like the rest of your things, your signature piece deserves some thought. Take your time to find something that fits in with the rest. You don’t need much to make a huge impact, so invest in a few key items that will stand the test of time.

Revamping your closet and your wardrobe can be really fun if you are open to experimenting with your style and trying new things.

Have fun!

 

 

 

 

How Live a Happier and More Joyful Life

29 Monday Feb 2016

Posted by Darielle Brooklyn in Happiness, How to, Inspiration, Uncategorized

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Happiness, How to, joy, joyful, positive, Positivity

 

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Happiness is not solely a result. It is also a driving force.

Everyone wants to be happy. In fact, the right to pursue happiness is even written into our country’s Bill of Rights. Do you know how to be genuinely happy? Do you know the best way to acquire true happiness? The truth is that you can greatly increase your happiness levels and gain more satisfaction with your life. It has nothing to do with winning the lottery. It has everything to do with your own change of perspective and your own attitude. Great news, right? Yes. Because it’s something that mostly anyone can accomplish.

 

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Retrain Your Brain to be More Positive

The first thing you will need to do is to teach and train your brain to be more positive. A sole reaction to focus on the negative will undoubtedly lead to stress and unhappiness. Remember, for every negative there is a positive. I know there are times in life when things are very difficult. I’m certainly not telling you to put your head in the sand and to ignore a terrible situation. I’m also not saying to pretend everything is always 100% perfect. I am just asking you to find the positive in a difficult situation and focus on it. Remember dwelling on the negative will cause stress and unhappiness. This will also cause depression and anxiety. However, if you choose to notice and focus on and appreciate the positive, it will be a powerful happiness booster.

 

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Exercise

It’s a no-brainer that regular exercise is good for your heart as well as your body to burn fat, build muscle and allow you to maintain a healthy weight. It also causes the release of endorphins, the feel-good chemicals that promote happiness. People who exercise regularly are happier. They are less stressed, less anxious and much less depressed.

Penn State University conducted a study and found that the more physically active people are, the greater their feelings of excitement and enthusiasm. Less physically active people had much lower levels of excitement and enthusiasm.

It doesn’t matter what kind of exercise you do, as long as you do it regularly. You should aim for an hour a day of exercise, five days a week. It’s important to find something that you enjoy because you’ll be more apt to commit to it and stick with it. You aren’t limited to the gym or running outside. There are numerous ways to exercise. You can join a dance class, take brisk walks, play tennis, swim, take up yoga, or go for a powerful bike ride. The key is to find something active that you enjoy.

 

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Express an Attitude of Gratitude

Teaching yourself to become more grateful can make a huge difference in your overall happiness. Gratitude will help you experience more positive emotions, decrease depression, feel better about yourself, improve your relationships, and even strengthen your immune system.

There are a number of things you can do to increase and cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

  • Be sincerely thankful towards others. When someone goes out of their way and does something to make your day easier, be sure to express your appreciation. You will not only make that person feel good, but it will also boost your happiness. It subconsciously causes you to realize that you we are all connected and everything we do matters to others.
  • Keep a gratitude journal. I can’t express this one enough. I’ve also discussed this is a prior blog. At the end of the day, when you recognize and write down 5 things for which you were thankful on that particular day, it is powerful. Research has concluded that keeping a gratitude journal is a powerful technique that makes you feel happier and more appreciative.
  • Count your blessings. Retrain your mind to reflect on what you have to be thankful for. This includes people, life experiences and even material things such as having a roof over your head or food to eat. Focus on all of your blessings, whether they are big or small. You will be surprised to see that it’s actually a pretty long list.
  • Turn the negative into a positive.  Remember, even the most painful circumstances are able to teach us a positive lesson. Reevaluate a negative event. Realize what you learned from it or how you became stronger, wiser or more compassionate. Once you are able to find meaning in things you’ve experienced, you will be more grateful.

 

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Nurture Your Relationships

Relationships are one of the biggest sources of happiness in our lives. The happier a person is, the more likely it is that they have a large, supportive circle of family and friends, a loving marriage, and a thriving social life.

Nurturing your relationships is one of the best emotional investments you can make. If you make an effort to build connections with others, you will reap the rewards of more positive emotions. When you are happier, you attract more people into your life and you build higher-quality relationships. This leads to even greater positivity and happiness. It’s the gift that keeps on giving!

There are a number of ways to nurture relationships.

  • Make a conscious effort to stay connected. One of the biggest end-of-life regreats that people have is losing touch with their friends. This doesn’t need to happen to you. Make an effort to stay connected to the people who make your life brighter. Take the time to call, and get together with those that matter. You’ll be happier.
  • Invest in quality time with the people you care about. Spending time with family and friends isn’t enough. It’s the quality of time that you spend that truly matters. If you are just sitting together watching television, it’s not going to strengthen your relationship. Those who are in happy relationships talk to each other. They share things with each other things that are going on in their lives. They share their feelings.
  • Offer sincere compliments. Let those that matter in your life know that you appreciate them. It will certainly make them feel happy but it will also encourage them to be an even better friend or partner toward you. It will also allow you to value your relationship with them more and cause you to feel happier.
  • Seek out happy people. Just like laughter, happiness is contagious. You can literally catch a good mood so make an effort to seek out happy people and spend time with them.
  • Allow the good fortune of others to bring you joy. One of the things that truly separates healthy relationships from unhealthy relationships is how people respond to each others’ good fortunes and successes. Show genuine enthusiasm and interest when your friend or family member experiences something wonderful. If you truly want a closer relationships, pay attention when the other person is excited. Ask questions. Express your excitement for them. Remember happiness is contagious, so as you listen to and share their experience, their joy actually becomes your joy too.

 

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Live in the Moment and Savor Life’s Joys

When you focus on the present moment, you feel centered, happy and at peace. You are likely to notice the good things that are happening around you, rather than letting them pass you by.

There are many ways you can start living more in the moment and savor the good things that life has to offer.

  • Begin daily rituals. Enjoyable rituals can increase moments of enjoyment into your day. It can be something so simple such as that first cup of coffee in the morning. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it’s something that you truly enjoy and appreciate.
  • Minimize multi-tasking. Savoring moments requires your full attention. This is pretty much impossible if you are doing numerous things at once. For example, when you are enjoying a meal, is it necessary to surf the internet. You will get more pleasure out of the food you are eating if you simply focus on your meal. By focusing on one thing at a time, you will maximize the enjoyment of it.
  • Revisit happy memories. There is no need to limit yourself to things that are happening now in the present. When you remember and reminisce about happy memories and experiences from your past, it leads to more positive emotions in the present.

 

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Help Others

There is something to be said for helping others and feeling like you are making a difference in another person’s life. Those who help those in need and give back to their community are happier. People who help others have higher self-esteem as well as an overall psychological well-being.

Here are some ways to live a more giving life:

  • Volunteer. If you volunteer for an organization that you believe strongly in, you will reap the benefit of feeling happy. Happiness is a reaction when you contribute in a meaningful way.
  • Practice kindness. Always look for ways to be kinder, more compassionate and giving with each new day. It’s such a simple thing to smile at a stranger and brighten their day. A small gesture goes a long way.
  • Play to your strengths. The happiest people know what their strengths are, They build their lives around activities that allow them to use those strengths. There are many different types of strengths, including kindness, honesty, creativity, optimism, loyalty and humor. We all have strengths. Find yours and use it!

 

sleep_sheep.jpgGet the Right Amount Sleep

Sleep is as essential to life as are air, food and water. Getting quality sleep every night directly affects your happiness, vitality and emotional stability during the day. It is during sleep that your body recharges, heals and regenerates.

When you’re sleep deprived, you’re much more susceptible to stress. Without enough sleep, it’s harder to be productive and make smart decisions.

There is also such thing as over-sleeping. Adults who sleep nine or more hours each night have an increased and rapid decline in their cognitive function than those who sleep between six and eight hours. This is a major risk factor for dementia. Sleeping longer than nine hours a night also increases your risk of obesity, heart disease, heart attack and stroke.

The optimal sleep hours are seven to eight hours a night. Aim for this and your happiness meter will rise!

 

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Get a Pet

Pets not only provide unconditional love but studies have shown that mental sharpness is improved and blood pressure is lowered when we stroke our pets. Pets keep us more active, teach us empathy, increase our social connections, give us emotional support as well as bring order to our lives. This is a great way to increase happiness! If you are unable to own a pet, consider volunteering at an animal shelter.

 

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Eat Healthy Foods

People who live longer tend to eat healthier. Junk food may taste good but the truth is you need to eat the right foods.

A healthy diet reduces your risk of diabetes, heart disease, stroke and cancer. Eighty percent of the food you eat should come from nature. Foods such as fruits, vegetables, lean meat, nuts, legumes, dairy and whole grains are natural foods. Stay away from processed food and fast food at all costs. It’s not only taking years off of your life but it’s taking life off of your years.

Eating healthy food every 3-4 hours will cause you to feel more positive and energetic thereby creating a flow of happiness.

 

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In summary, once you decide to make your own happiness the chief focus of your life, you will be living a life of joy that you achieved through your own efforts.

Which of these suggestions will you incorporate into your own life?

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