I was recently talking to an out-of-state friend of mine who told me she has been thinking about ending her marriage of over 25 years. She has been speaking with a therapist for quite some time about this. She told me that but she tried “date nights” – doing things that they used to enjoy together – but that things are not the same. She no longer has fun with him and she has fallen out of love with him.

If you are going through a rough patch with your significant other and your relationship feels boring and rocky, it can be hard to know whether it’s just a phase or you are truly falling out of love.

It’s completely natural to have ups and downs in relationship. Some of us even have doubts wondering if there is someone better for us out there. If you’re feeling this way but you still want to repair your relationship, obviously you are still invested in it. On the other hand, if you truly have no desire to work on it anymore, maybe you have fallen out of love with your partner.

There are many signs that allow us to see whether or not we are still truly “in love.”

Butterflies. We know that we can’t expect to be head over heels in love every single day of our lives but if you don’t feel any excitement towards your partner at all, this is a red flag. Try, as my friend did, to enjoy quality time together. All relationships require maintenance. By making the time to do something fun together allows you to see if the start is still there. If you no longer want to engage in “date nights” or if you make the effort to reignite that lost spark and still don’t feel the slightest bit of butterflies, the sad fact is that the romantic love you once felt may be gone.

Daydreaming. There is a big difference in admiring someone’s looks that you see when you are out but it’s another if you are constantly looking at others. If you cannot stop looking at others, you may be have the “greener grass” mentality.

Making Your Partner a Priority. Even the slightest thing, like not answering your partner’s text messages is a sign. Every single one of us makes the time for the things that are important to us. If you are prioritizing anything else over your partner, such as a hobby, this is also another sign that you may be falling out of or are already out of love. Of course we all have outside hobbies, friends and even jobs; however, your relationship should always be number one above anything and everything else.

Sex Life. We all know that there are ups and downs where this is concerned. Life stress and dynamics play a huge role in our sex life. It’s a definite red flag if you’ve completely lost interest in your partner where sex is concerned. I mean, let’s face it, without intimacy, a relationship is simply a friendship or even a roommate scenario.

Each of us are different regarding physical intimacy. Holding hands, hugging, and sitting next to each other on the couch are simple ways to share intimacy. If you have no desire to do any of these small things, this is an issue as well. Simply stated, the thought of being romantic with your partner shouldn’t make you feel grotesque. If you find yourself constantly at arm’s length and pulling away from your partner, the attraction is no longer there.

Best Friends. If you were once best friends with your partner and that dynamic has shifted, that’s another indication that you are no longer “in love.” After all, partners who are best friends turn to each other for support and tell each other almost everything. Partners who are best friends share a special bond.

Obviously, there are certain things that you’d rather speak to a close friend or even a therapist about but if you find you are constantly turning to others for support rather than turning to your partner, that’s another red flag. People who have fallen out of love confide in other people and become more independent. If you do the same, you are disconnected and no longer need to rely on your partner. You start protecting your feelings and yourself and you detach yourself little by little.

Annoying Behavior. You may notice that the things that used to have no effect on you are now bothering you to the point of anger and disgust. When their mannerisms become increasingly irritating and every little thing is annoying you, take note.

There are so many more signs like feeling relief when they aren’t around, relishing in time alone and when you no longer want to make an effort. A big one is when the communication is gone, things that were once fights are now silent moments because the effort is no longer worth your energy. There are red flags after red flags.

Whatever your signs are, honor them. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel and do what you need to do. Always take action to try to repair the relationship before completely giving up.

Whatever you decide to do – whether it be to rekindle your relationship or to sever ties – always have self-respect. Be honest with yourself and maintain self-care.

The brutal fact is we are given one life to live. We deserve to live it the happiest way possible, no matter what that way is.